I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize