I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
