I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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