god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
