i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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