is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize