Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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