apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
