I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize