Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
