I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
