She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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