I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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