so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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