Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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