You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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