I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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