oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
