I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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