dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
