I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im about as happy as oj after his trial
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
