Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
