i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize