There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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