so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize