I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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