The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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