Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
