I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she looked like the before picture.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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