I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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