so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
