You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
