I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
