I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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