i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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