Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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