News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
