Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
