woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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