I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
