Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
