we have pet lesbian snakes
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
