Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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