I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
