if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize