It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
