So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
