Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
