I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize