somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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