I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
