Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
