did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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