Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
