Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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