i don't plan on having that self control this summer
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
