I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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