I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The Olympian is in my bed
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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