ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
