So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize