This is not my ceiling
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
