Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
