I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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