This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
