How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
