K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
