based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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