if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
